happy happy happy.....

lol well life is getting better:):):):)

i guess lol

my sister is home for christmas and i am looking forward to christmas. hoping to have a good time:):) so .....lol ......M*E*R*R*Y C*H*R*I*S*T*M*A*S !!!!

in the spirt of christmas I thought I would put a few cute christmas pics up and My favorite Christmas song:):):)

Once upon a December!

Dancing bears,

Painted wings

Things I almost remember

And a song someone sings

Once upon a December

Someone holds me safe and warm

Horses prance through a silver storm

Figures dancing gracefully

Across my memory...

Far away, long ago

Glowing dim as an ember,

Things my heart used to know,

Once upon a December

Someone holds me safe and warm

Horses prance through a silver storm

Figures dancing gracefully

Across my memory...

Far away, long ago

Glowing dim as an ember,

Things my heart used to know,

Things it yearns to remember...

And a song someone sings

Once upon a December

cute song......wish it were True lol

this song is wow......made me almost cry. this is one of my songs now. This is my sad song now. whenever i am down i listen to this song. somehow it makes me feel better. It makes me feel like one day things will change. and one day things will be diffrent. better.




Hedley - For The Nights I Can't Remember lyrics

[Verse 1:]I see it in the way you would do
When no one else could ever get through
Holding back till I come around
Time and time again you wait for me to come in
And did you really look my way? Cuz no one coulda seen this coming
I would never let you down
If I was running backwards in full time
[Bridge:]So I can and I will and you'll see your hero come running
Over and over tonight

[Chorus:]And I do wanna love you
If you see me running back
And I do wanna try
Because if falling for you girl is crazy
Then I'm going out of my mind
So hold back your tears this time

[Verse 2:]Me, I'm used to being tired and bloody
But you believed that I could be somebody
You put your world on hold for me
Gave away to follow failure through the fire
I need you to know I will
Believe me girl I'm so tired of running
I just wanna hold your hand
Stare at you like you've got everything I need
[Bridge:]And I can so I will and you'll see your hero come running
Over and over tonight

[Chorus:]And I do wanna love you
If you see me running back
And I do wanna try
Because if falling for you girl is crazy
Then I'm going out of my mind
So hold back your tears this time

[Verse 3:]And what if I never said to you I was dynamite
And what if I never told you I'm afraid to cry
What if I never let you down
And said I'm sorry for the nights I can't remember
What if I never said to you I would try
Yeah Yeah Yeaahh
[Chorus:]And I do wanna love you
(If you see me running back)
And I do wanna try
Because if falling for you girl is crazy
Then I'm going out of my mind
So hold back your tears this time
[Repeat Chorus]
Hold back your tears this time
Ooooh Ooooh

Chase and Macenzie:):)

recently I have been babysitting a couple of kids named Chase and Macenzie. they are so adorable. althought they get on my nerves from time to time they are great kids:) i really enjoy babysitting them and Macenzie is more like a little sis now lol. anyways this is a picture of chase. i don't have one of kenzi yet but when i do i will post it:)

This is my song right now:) it describes my thoughts quite well...

this song is well....it describes me a little. I listen to it a lot and it helps me keep my mind off of everything:) and if anyone wants to understand me ...you can listen to this song and understand. there are things sometimes that control my life. people that control me. things out of my control that effect me. This song describes my fight to free myself. and hopefully people understand.







Turn it inside out so I can see
The part of you that's drifting over me
And when I wake you're never there
But when I sleep you're everywhere
You're everywhere

Just tell me how I got this far
Just tell me why you're here and who you are
'Cause every time I look
you're never there
And every time I sleep
you're always there

'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know
that makes me believe
I'm not alone
I'm not alone

I recognize the way you make me feel
It's hard to think that
you might not be real
I sense it now, the water's getting deep
I try to wash the pain away from me
Away from me

'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know
that makes me believe
I'm not alone
I'm not alone

I am not alone
Whoa, oh, oooh, oh

And when I touch your hand
It's then I understand
The beauty that's within
It's now that we begin
You always light my way
I hope there never comes a day
No matter where I go
I always feel you so

'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I close my eyes it's you I see
You're everything I know
that makes me believe
I'm not alone
'Cause you're everywhere to me
And when I catch my breath
it's you I breathe
You're everything I know
that makes me believe
I'm not alone

You're in everyone I see
So tell me
Do you see me?

For a good friend.......your not a thorn inside of me....

This is a really good song that means a lot to a good friend of mine. i never really understood until I read the lyrics. but hey. there is a song for everyone. this isn't mine but one day when i get up the nerve i will tell you all my song.


Crossfade-- Dead skin.


So I'm the king of all these things of this mess I have made
Such a waste what a shame my whole life is a fake
Well I'm a bore and I'm sure I'm a thorn inside of you that has torn at you for years
The alcohol the demerol these things never could replace
What a minute with you could do to put a smile on my face
I'm a bore and I'm sure I'm a thorn inside of you that has torn at me for years
I can't get out of this dead skin I can't shed my skin
I'm not sure where to begin why can't I begin again
I can't get under my dead skin I can't shed my skin
Can I sllep 'til then

Phenobarbitol and alocohol these two surely will do
To knock me out keep me down at least a day or two
When I'm awake I can taste how bitter I've become
And it's more than I can bear somedays I pray someone will blow me away
Make it quick but let it burn so I can feel my life fade
Well I'm a waste and I can taste how bitter I've become
And it's more than I can bear
I can't shed my skin
I can't shed my skin

if i could only say.....

if i could only say what I really felt i would tell you i love you .....even tho i kno it's wrong. if i could only say what i really meant i would tell you i don't want you to hurt. if i could only cry...you'd kno......if i could only make it known what you all mean to me.....if you could only know .....I don't blame you i blame me......I struggle day to day with the feelings i know you don't have. but please know.....no matter how it hurts ....i will never turn my back......i will never be the person that turns there back.......I love you and that will never change. i will only love you in a diffrent way. in a diffrent time , in a diffrent day , you never know what may have been. but for now.....FRIENDS FOR LIFE......forever and always you'll be there for me and I for you. friendship is enough for me. i would rather be your friend than your nothing. and in the meantime darling......give me time and i will be the friend you want and the friend you need.

cute Bumper stickers and what they remind me of:)

I love this sticker, because it reminds me that guys and Relationships are not what i will remember about high school. i will remember my friends and what we shared.

I love this sticker because it reminds me that you can't care what everyone thinks all the time. no one is perfect no matter how hard they try.

I love this sticker because it reminds me that you have no control over life and while something may seem bad , later on you may look back and say "that made me a stronger person."

Cally Ally!!!

lol this one is for cally alley! i have been staying with my cousin cally while her parents are out of town and it is awesome lol she is a great girl. she is in grade 10 and is 15 years old!! i love her to death she is awesome lol she is a very special girl and we have so much fun toghether! love you babe and we have to do this again some time soon lol

Dear you.....an origonol poem of mine.

dear you wants whats best for me,
maybe I know whats best for me

dear you who tells me what to do
don't talk

dear you who watches over me
leave me be

dear you who see's only what you want to see
look deeper
search my eyes and you will see the true me

dear you who depends on me
you shouldn't

but,

dear you who loves me
never leave me

dear you who holds my hand
never let go

Dear you who helps me
thank you

Dear you who needs me,
thank you..............

By Teri Allison
grade 12
Age 18

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

grr is all i can say at the moment.......i am so

confused and have no idea what to do:( i really am lost.....everyone i thought i knew and everyone i thought i could trust....and the one person that i thought could be there for me.......the one person i thought would always be there...turns out to be a complete and total sham....My other friends know exactly who i am talking about! because they thought they could trust him to! but oh well.....who can you trust if you can't trust your friends?? i mean.......there comes a point where you have to say enough is enough and just move on right? i mean there comes a point where you have to remove that toxic person from your life or it will just eat you up inside....which is exactly what it is doing to me......Katy and Nicole and Trav lol you guys know what i mean. it's just a good thing i have you guys :) i know i can trust you guys :)

ok so.....

well life is slowly getting better......

i might be coming to stay in town for awhile which will be good. and i have actually talked to a lot of the people that i needed to talk to ...and well it helped. i have come to some drastic decisions about my life....and there are several things i need to change and several people that i need to remove from my life...maybe not forever but for awhile at least. just to unncomplicate my life. i think moving out (well not moving out but staying away for awhile) from my place will help. i am just not happy there at the moment. and i want to be near my friends. they seem to be the only ones who understand:( but like i said life is slowly getting better:)

Halloween!

I am going to Kammy for Halloween!!!

i am heading over with Todd and Katy and we are taking her to surprise Ryan! and then I get to go and party with kyle and Darin!!!! yay!!! halloween will be awesome! (i hope) lol the only bad thing is i have to work the next day at three:( or maybe even 2:(

but oh well!

i plan to have fun well i can!!

and i have not been out and just had fun in awhile!

but anywho! halloween in kammy here i come!!! lol

Life sucks at the moment!

i can't believe how awful things are right now!!

:(:(:(:(:(

i just don't know what to do anymore

all of my friends are having problems....and i just don't how to help any of them! i mean wow ok.......holy crap......i need just one non-stressful day where i can just chill and realx and not worry about anything!! i need to just get out and have some fun! (for a change) life is just complicated but i am not gonna really get into it anymore right now. I just .....need an escape.....and all my exits at the moment are blocked.....by parents...By friends...By teachers....By sisters.....By ex's.....i mean everything seems to be confusing and wrong at the moment. but i am hoping maybe getting out on my own will help. just handling my own life for a change might help.....

Well well well

hmmm....life is messed up right about now! I have had kind of a rough month. my birthday kinda sucked.....and my mom's dog got hit on the road:( and i had to bury her:(. and well I just feel kinda lost right now. I am debating whether or not to start staying in town during the week. and I also am maybe looking into doing a semester abroad! in great britain leaving in january. I am kinda confused at the moment as to whether or not I should go.....AND ....i feel bad about either way leaving my mom....and my dad. and I have not seen my sister in months ....i unno i just well.....i don't know what to do at the moment.......like i said i am lost. but hey i mean ...maybe i will be happier stayin in town somewhere..or maybe i won't. Daniella has already said it was ok if i did stay at her place....which means i would get to see jane all the time:) and that would be awesome! and well yah...i unno really what is going to happen but ...i guess i better decide soon!!!! i am just worried about maybe leaving my parents. I would see them a lot less living in town during the week. but then again i am 18 and i am going to have to get used to that one of these days! lol especially if i am going to go to college next year!:) oh well i will figure this all out........EVENTUALLY

A really cute song!

this song is adorable and kinda helped me through a rough time and i think we could all relate to the words said.
here goes.

I'll get over you
Dj Jay.

From the very 1st moment u caught my eye
you were like nothing i've eva seen in ma life
i caught your attention as you passed me a smile
you bought me a drink we talked for awhile
bout amazing things
of what life brings

then we kissed and said goodbye

I'll get ova u

don't think you can get me down
cuz i've been on lower ground

as long as ur not around
i'll make it through and

I'll get ova u
yes u are not worth my heart

you'll never hurt any part
of me again
cuz i'll start
without you

and i'll get ova u

I've been walking around with my head in the clouds
sweet talks taking me to shivering heights

shared the most intimate secrets my love
but if your words are no longer enough
to fufill my needs
replace the sheets
that are so cold every night

CHORUS: I'll get over you
don't think you can get me down
'cause i've been on lower ground

as long as you're not around
i'll make it trough and
i'll get over you

guess you were not worth my heart

you'll never hurt any part of me again
'cause i'll start without you and
'ill get over you

there are no good intentions in your cruel game
you play with so many we're all the same
i should have known beauty's but skin-deep
i was flying high i was falling deep
with your heart of stone
just leave me alone
i might not resist your call
CHORUS: I'll get over you
don't think you can get me down '
cause i've been on lower ground

as long as you're not around
i'll make it trough and
i'll get over you

guess you were not worth my heart

you'll never hurt any part
of me again
'cause i'll start
without you and
'ill get over you

don't think you can get me down
'cause i've been on lower ground
as long as you're not around
i'll make it trough and
i'll get over you!!!

My birthday!!!!

my birthday is coming up this saturday and i am so excited!!!!

I can't wait for it to be SATURDAY!

i will be 18 years old!! I can't wait!

i am just gonna have fun with my friends and ...relax for a change.

i am hoping it will be everything i hope for!

MORE CUTE SAYINGS!

cute little sayings!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!

I LOVE YOU KATY!!

HAPPY 17TH B-DAY!!

HOPE YOU HAVE A GREAT ONE!! LUV YA LOTS

member this day darlin?? it's an old pic but i love it lol i just wanna say thank you for always being there for me:) i know i can always count on you and you'll always be there for me. i hope you know same goes for you! you can tell me anything , and i will always be there for you:)

anyways i love you babe i gtg but love you lots!!

Field trip to VANCOUVER!!!!

lol we went on a field trip to vancouver and it was awesome!!! we went to the UBC botanical gardens and also watched the play "ROMEO AND JULIET" at bard on the beach!! lol romeo totally made it worth it!! (He might possibly have shown his Bum hahaha) and after that we got to go to the metro town mall and SHOP!! WOOT! WOOT!! lol then we went for dinner at TGI fridays and most everyone had chicken fingers and fries hahah lol and then we got to go to a laser show with the music from the band RUSH and it was pretty cool except we were all so tired most of us fell asleep!!! FINALLY after the laser show we went to the jerico beach hostel and went to sleep. (after a huge giggle fest in the girls dorm haha) the next morning we had breakfast and then went for a walk on the beach and then to the Vancouver aquarium!! it was so cool seeing the dolpins and beluga whales and the OTTERS!! haha then we go to go swimming and it was really fun. we went to a wave pool that had a waterslide and actual waves lol then we went home on the long trip home.!!! it was an awesome weekend!

HAPPY B-DAY TOAD!!!!!

happy birthday to you
happy birthday to you
happy birthday dear TOAD!!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU

AND MANY MORE ON CHANNEL FOUR!!!

lol happy birthday Todd. he turned 19 on monday september the 24th. I think he actually went and enjoyed his freedom in the bar a night early haha but i think he paid for it the next day lol anywho HAPPY B-DAY.

AND A FUTURE HAPPY B-DAY TO KATY WHO IS TURNING 17!!!!!ON FRIDAY

Hmmmm......

well if you're wondering why the title of my Blog is in the mind of a confused gurl well.....lol i am sure by the end of this blog you will know why i say that. I am constantly being asked what are you doing when you graduate?? where are you going?? what do you want to do with your life??? well that is a lot of pressure on a 17 (ok almost 18) year old gurl!! I mean most 17 year olds just want to live life and have fun and enjoy thier last few months of adolescense. but in the meantime they must decide where thier going , what thier doing and how thier going to do it! i mean wow wow wow ! how can a very imature 17 year old do that?? I have a very rough idea of what I want to do but.......what if its not what i really want in the end?? I mean spending money on college and then saying thats not what I want after all....well....not really an option sometimes. but hey i have a whole ...what 10 months to figure it out ...GULP..... whew........that time actually can pass fast ....... but hey like i said at least i am not the only 17 year old feeling this way.....right?????

In the mind of a confused girl post 1!!

wow well interesting summer!! full of dreadful jobs, new friends, new flames , old flames, bad memories, good memories and big mistakes. i won't explain in full but you wouldn't wanna hear anyways lol I worked all summer at a place called the bears claw lodge in cache creek. i made a lot of new friends (Nicki , krystal , lyndsey, brian , colby , shane , holly , bill , stewart.) lol they are the greatest. we had good laughs and boy did we work hard!!! and also i made a lot of new friends in cache this summer (kaligh, shelia , kels , and other calley haha) which was great for me. it was good for me to get out and get to know other people and other types of people than the ones in the clinton. i also spent a lot of time with old friends in clinton to though. like Nicole , Trav and Todd! good times guys good times. haha And well i won't even get into the guy issues haha lets jus say i am on a break from any type of guys at the moment. (srry darren hunni!! one day darlin) I really jus think i need to avoid the love thing and enjoy my grad year!! Yes i am GRADUATING!! which means the dress. the diploma, the escort and the whole kit and kaboodle haha lol I have sort of decided on an escort (if he says yes lol) , but i have no idea about what type of dress i will get but we will cross that bridge when we get to it. well in a nut shell that is my life right now. sorry to bore you all but lol my deepest darkest secrets would jus shock you all to much lol.