gonna keep my head held high.....

ok ...lol

so things are looking up ...I am ont yet where I want or need to be but I am counting my blessings and realizing how many I have....family, friends, shelter, food, a vehicle....I HAVE COME TO SEE I AM SPOLIED...and spoiled rotten at that. there are many people who have much less than me and well...I should be happy with what I have...and the people I have in my life. My family as misguided as they may be in understanding who I am...they are trying and they love me and only want what
is best for me...my friends are awesome... amazing really...they know me better than I know myself sometimes.

ow all of this being said...some days all I can see is the things that are missing...I no longer have the energy...or the WANT to care about things that should mean the world to me...somedays just getting in my car with my paycheque and driving.....and driving....driving....see where I end up. which is not all around a bad idea. it would be an expierece. what scares me about that is that I dont know if I would tell anyone.I don't know if i would phone home. I don't know if I would come home. that is not an insult to the people in my life...it is not thier fault in the least. I know I would be hurting everyone If i did leave but...I need to find me..and in my current surrondings with everyone from my childhood surronding me I still feel like a child. I need to leave in order to grow into the woman I know I can be. I am nothing more than a doormat right now. I have no personality of my own. I am like a chamillion...I blend to my surrondings so as not to be noticed..i wish to be invisible and it works...all to well sometimes. I am lost ...what scares me the most..is this post is eerily similar to post from grade 8, 9, 10 etc...I have been trying to find myself forever...I have been unhappy and lost for so long I fear I can never correct it.

but as I said I will keep my head held high.

I am ok...I think

I don't really have anything else to say about that right now....I am destroying my life...piece by piece and ...I have no idea how to stop it. unemployed.. broke...failing...and moving back home...hmmm....I'm doing awesome aren't I?

i have come so far...

hello all!

well lol I have not written but today me and my friend were looking through our old blogs and I thought it would be fun to write now. I have come a long way from the confused teenager I used to be. I moved out of clinton and went to college. it did me a lot of good to get out of this town. I think i needed to separate myself for a bit. but I am back in town for awhile but not for long! my friends and I are blowing this popsicle stand and heading out to try it somewhere else! we are going to ren toghether and share expenses. I am excited to see what else is out there. I was scared to start over on my own..which is why this is awesome. I love my friends and moving with them means I have people I can depend on and so do they. I don't know how my family will take it but we will see. they want me to be happy. And I am not happy here. no , I don't know if I will be happy thier either but hey...I have to a least try. If I don't then I will regret it my whole life. I want to be better than this person who is just floating through life doing what everyone expects me to. graduate, go to college, get a boyfriend, get married, have kids...move back to my hometown and raise my kids....WHAT IF I WANT MORE THAN THE NORMAL. I am not saying that I don't wnat those things but...man...Who says that has to be me? who says thats all that I can be? I am in control of my life and I Want to live it while I can. I am happier now that I have been in a long time. things are not perfect but...i read my olds blogs and i do not know who that miserable, depressed person was. I was down and out with no way out. Now I am happy...I have faith that i will not fall in to that miserable trap again. lif is diffrent now and so am I. I still have not found myself compleatly but...I have come so far from that person. I am no doormat now...I am strong, I have confidence.. I am no longer afraid of the unknown. I no longer am listening to the people that care nothing for me. I live for me now. I live for me. And finally there is a me....i am my own person finally. I am still discovering what that person is made of, but finally....I like myself and what I have come to be. anywho! lol I will keep up on my blogging now! as tigger would say ttyl! lol :P

twilight couples haha

Twilight :) and pictures I love lol

LAST BLOG EVER....

Well , I graduated on Saturday the 14th of june 2008. IT WAS AWESOME! and well lol this is the last time I will ever have to write a blog ever. I was asked to comment on my first blog I wrote this year. well lol it sounds like I Was a pretty confused girl. But hey lol I MADE IT! regaurdless of everything that has happened this year. my first blog I talked about my summer and everything that happened over the summer. it sounds like I had a lot of changes over the summer. but oh well lol...it was nothing compared to this year I am sure. you know now that I am a short two days away from being compleatly free of high school...it's not so scary. It's sad that it is all over but...I am no longer scared. I am kind of excited to see what the next step in my life will be. I know I have college in january, but, I have a couple free months before I start school. I imagine I will move, and then I guess I will get a job and see how much I can save for schooling:) I sure hope all of my plans work out for me.

10 DAYS!!! AND COUNTING!

lol yay yay yay yay yay yah!! only one more weekend of waiting! then 5 more days of school! and then GRAD!!!
OMG LOL crunch time is almost over and I AM GONNA MAKE IT! i am too excited right now! Grad is going to be awesome!

lol ok I will stop Gloating about grad haha

anyways i love this song!!!

it is called "Follow me" by Uncle Kracker.
i love the beat of this song and I can't wait to listen to it ahahah
if you get the chance definatly go check it out on youtube people!




You don't know how you met me
You don't know why, you cant turn around and say good-bye
All you know is when im with you I make you free
And swim through your veins like a fish in the sea
I'm singing....

Follow me
Everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave
I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

And I worry 'bout the ring you wear
Cause as long as no one knows
That nobody can care
Your fellin guilty
And I'm well aware
But you don't look ashamed
And baby I'm not scared
Im singin...

Follow me
Everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave
I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

Solo

Won't give you money
I can't give you the sky
It better off if you don't ask why
I'm not the reason that you go stranded
We'll be alright if you don't ask me to stay

Follow me
Everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave
I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

You don't know how you met me
You don't know why, you cant turn around and say good-bye
All you know is when im with you I make you free
And swim through your veins like a fish in the sea
I'm singing....

Follow me
Everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave
I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

Follow me
Everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave
I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me

Follow me
Everything is alright
I'll be the one to tuck you in at night
And if you want to leave
I can guarantee
You won't find nobody else like me